Break the Rules

When was the last time you broke a rule?

I am not asking you to break the law.

I am not asking you to break the corporate policies.

Have you ever entered a room or space even though you were not explicitly invited?

Have you ever done anything that is “above my pay grade”?

“Rule breaking and violating social norms to build power fundamentally entail undertaking behaviors - taking initiatives - that are "different" and unexpected. Most importantly, rule breaking requires being proactive and doing something...”

This is Rule #2 in "The 7 Rules of Power" by Dr. Jeffrey Pfeffer

If you want more power, go and break some rules.

I am not asking you to be arrogant.

I am asking you to ask yourself:

• Who said I can't?

• Do I really need someone's permission?

• What's something that I can do to change the status quo?

• Who can I reach out to be my ally for change?

Take initiatives...proactively.

The world is evolving, so should be the rules.

The secret of not having any bad day

This is a post-it note I have on my computer monitor to constantly remind myself.

Through my life journey, I found myself get closer and closer to the essence of the following 3 principles and they have shaped every decision that I make in recent years, at work, or in life with my family and friends, people I don’t know, and people I disagree with.

❤️ Love - When conversations are hard, it’s the love toward another human being and love of the cause lead me to heartfelt conversations and often a win-win result.

🔱Truth - Who holds the truth? When the many blind people touch the elephant and believe that the elephant looks like a rope, a wall, a tree trunk, a fan…they all believe they hold the truth. They are all absolutely right with the fact they have. As a leader, I constantly remind myself to be aware of the limitations of my own perceptions, and approaching situations with humility, open-mindedness, and empathy.

🤩Beauty - find beauty in everyone and everything. We are all unique. We are all equal. We are all beautiful. We are all awesome. Nature is beautiful in its own way.

When I noticed that I may be having frustration, stress, judgement, I go back to my principles of LOVE, TRUTH and BEAUTY. This is my secret of not having a bad day. They are now yours.

𝗠𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝗻𝗸 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗜 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘀𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗮𝗯

I am pretty sure I lost my work. 💔
I was in the middle of transcribing an audio file into text.

It took time for the process to finish.

To stay productive, I opened another tab and kept working on something else.

Then I forgot about that original tab and the task.

2 days later, I closed tabs one by one to stay focused.
( Focus is a lost art for many leaders, as the world evolves so rapidly.
They are constantly doing context switching due to frequent pings and meetings.)

My heart sank right after I closed the browser tab.
Only then did I realize what I had just done.
OMG, I have to do it again?!

With the hope of being lucky, I checked the folder.
A new file did exist, but it contained not even a SINGLE word.

Maybe, just maybe...
I clicked "Dictate," then "Transcribe."

There IT IS!!!

The unfinished work is waiting for me for the next step.

This is one of the reasons why you should 𝗘𝗺𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲
1️⃣ Technology
2️⃣ Asynchronous processing
3️⃣ Cloud Storage
4️⃣ AI
5️⃣ Microsoft Word

Confidence CPRs

I have coached hundreds of tech leaders.

The majority of whom are women.

Many of them struggle with a lack of confidence, including senior leaders.

I worked hard for decades on boosting my confidence.

I used to be very frustrated with myself about why I couldn't be as confident as others.

Even though I was the top #1 student in a top engineering university.

Even though I have 3 Master's Degrees in Engineering.

Even though I was a career professional who got outstanding performance reviews.

Even though I was a leader at work, in the community, and at home.

The root of lack of confidence can be very deep, starting from one's childhood and the environment they grew up in.

Today, our focus isn't on digging deep into the why.

If you'd like, contact me about potential coaching sessions.

Today, we will focus on the HOW.

For many of the women I coach, this is the #1 roadblock.

We treat confidence like a prerequisite.

But the truth is that confidence does not need to be an input; it is an output.

To help my clients move from hesitation to action, I use the CPRs Process.

C – Courage

Don't wait for the fear to vanish.

Courage isn't the absence of fear; it's acting while your hands are shaking.

Have the courage to start.

P – Practice

Confidence is a muscle, not a personality trait.

The more you do, the more confident you become because you are capable.

Every time you complete a task you were nervous about, you're building a case against your inner critic.

R – Reflect

Blind action leads to burnout.

Reflection leads to mastery.

Recognize what works and what doesn't.

Notice how much more confident you have become.

S – Support

Confidence thrives in community.

We often feel we have to "prove it" on our own.

Build your circle.

Whether it's a mentor, a coach, or a peer group, having someone to cheer you on when you question yourself and can't take the first step.

Confidence is a product of showing up.

Which part of the CPRs process do you find the hardest?

577,774 feet

That's the vertical distance I have skied.

That's 176 kilometers.

That's 109 miles.

No, I didn't do it in one day.

No, I didn't do it in one year.

I did it in over 5 years.

In work and life, we often are paralyzed by the big goal.

It feels like looking up at a peak you can't reach.

Make small steps each day, just like what I did.

Before you know it, you are at the top of the mountain.

What's your mountain moment that you would like to share?

Hi, I am Tina

"Hi, I am Tina. "

"Hi, I am Hope." I said while we shook hands.

"Oh, what a beautiful name!"

"Thank you!"

"I wish I could have that name"

"You can give yourself that name if you want."

"I can? Really?"

"Yes, why not? You can give yourself any name you want."

"I am not sure. I don't know whether my parents would be happy about it."

"Ask them."

"They are dead."

Tina is a 50-year-old, lovely woman.

She is still living her dead parents' expectations.

Whose expectations are you living?

The hardest negotiation

One of the hardest negotiations is to negotiate with yourself.

A so-so job, settle or explore?

A lukewarm marriage, leave or stay?

Bone-chilling temperature, to go out or stay in?

6 am, get up and head to the gym, or snooze the alarm and stay in the warm bed?

10 pm, to shut down digital devices and go to bed, or continue to scroll to exhaust all stories?

An exciting opportunity, to go with it even though it's not aligned with my goal, or to thank them for the chance and focus on what's more important?

You have to convince yourself that the decision you are making is better for you.

You have to be clear about your decision tree.

You have to have a system so that when your mind is weak, your system is strong.

You have to enroll accountability partners so that you are compelled to make better decisions because others are watching.

Become a skillful negotiator.

I am promoted!

I LOVE to hear this from my clients.

Usually, they have been working on this promotion for quite a while.

Before our coaching,

❌ they had not had a skip level 1:1

❌ they didn't know who the key stakeholders were

❌ they didn't ask their manager directly for the promotion

❌ they didn't advocate for what they have done

❌ they didn't build strategic relationships

❌ they wasted their time and energy on things that do not matter

Since we work together, they have gotten better at

✅ asking for salary raises.

✅ attracting people to work with them.

✅ securing the next-level promotions.

✅ networking both internally and externally.

Appearance

How you show up sends out a message to the world.

People make a judgment about you and your ability in a few seconds, whether you like it or not.

Your appearance is a part of the winning equation.

Yes, some tech CEOs wear a black t-shirt seven days a week, so that they don't need to spend time and energy deciding what to wear.

That's very commendable.

After all, all we have is time.

They can do that because they have other qualities that project confidence and competence to themselves and others.

Most people would benefit from projecting more confidence and competency through their appearance.

Most importantly, it sends a message to ourselves, consciously or unconsciously.

I have been working from home since March 2020, when the whole world returned to home during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Every morning, after gym, I put on my lovely professional attire and walked to my home office.

That's my signal of "time to work".

I am always camera-ready.

I am always ready to project my confidence and competence...to myself and others.

Here is the real secret: it takes me 2 seconds to pick out my attire every morning, and that's 2 seconds that I am willing to spend.

What do you think about appearance?

Human and AI

He was 19 years old when he tried a drive-through for the very first time.

He had an extremely frustrating experience.

He tried the drive-through again, 6 years later.

The people taking his order didn't have the time, patience, or skills

They tried to "help" him by finishing his sentences, but it only made things worse.

He knows what to say and how to use the words correctly.

All he needed was more time.

But with AI trained on his speech pattern, he can enjoy a drive-through without the fear or embarrassment.

Wendy'sFreshAI made him feel respected like others.

AI was patient with him.

AI waited for him to finish.

AI understood his order.

He is Travis Althouse, who has a stutter.

Thanks to Will Croushorn, MBA, for showcasing what AI can do for people who are in need.

Thank you Michael Chorey for starting the feature initially.

Stories like that of Travis Althouse expand my heart and mind.

Technology should not just be for some of us.

We need to ask ourselves:

Who is benefiting from technology?

Who is left behind by technology?

This is a question we all need to ponder and make an effort to even the playing fields.

Thank you Summer Crenshaw , Zack Huhn, and all the teams at Enterprise Technology Association for creating such a sacred space for all of us to learn and connect, human to human, at Columbus AI Week .