What would you say?

At a recent event when I was sharing my career journey with a group of vibrant engineering students, a bright young mind asked me a powerful question: "With one sentence, what advice would you give your 18-year-old self?"

Tough question! Not because the answer wasn't clear, but because I was limited to ONE sentence. Talk about a challenge! In reality, I could write a whole book on this.

But here's the one sentence I landed on (I had to think on my feet): “Don’t care too much about what other people think of you, live your own life and chase your own dreams. “

• I cared too much about what my parents thought of me. I wanted their approval and I didn’t want to fail them.

• I cared too much what my peers thought of me. I wanted them to like me.

• I cared too much about what my professors thought about me. I wanted them to appraise me intelligent.

• I cared too much about what strangers thought of me - yes even strangers! I wanted them to respect me.

For a long time, I had been living THEIR lives, not mine.

Here are the questions for YOU:

• Whose life are YOU living?

• Whose dreams are YOU chasing?

• What would YOU tell your 18-year-old self?

I am sorry that I said sorry

We've all heard it: "Sorry I'm late," "Sorry I didn't get that done," "Sorry I don't have time." It's become a common refrain, but is it always necessary?

Like many learners of English, I understand 'sorry' means causing hurt. We wouldn't hesitate to say "sorry" if we bumped someone in the store.

I want to encourage women leaders to examine when and how often they say sorry.

Is it because it's an autopilot habit? Is there any other way to express similar feeling?

Let's use this simple example: you're running five minutes late for a coffee catch-up. Traffic or a kiddo meltdown? Happens to all of us! You arrive and blurt, "So sorry!" They understand, you chat, all good.

But what if you said, "Thank you so much for waiting!"

Here's the shift: "Sorry" feels like regret, frustration, needing forgiveness. It sets an expectation that being late requires an apology.

"Thank you" radiates gratitude and appreciation. You weren't apologizing, you were showing appreciation for their patience!

Small changes, big impact! Would you like to ditch the "sorry" reflex and shine with "Thank You" instead? Try it out!

Open Your Window

Ever since I was a little child, I noticed that my mother had a habit of opening windows every morning, even during winter. Even though it was shockingly chilling at first, it felt good to let the fresh air in.

That's exactly how it feels when we open up our minds to new perspectives. Our minds are designed to follow the same pattern, to reserve energies for more important tasks. So encountering a new approach can feel a bit chilly at first. But just like that first breath of winter air, a little discomfort can lead to a powerful awakening.

Both my best friend and my husband are great planners. They live by their physical planners. "Introverts," I thought, dismissing their method as outdated. After all, I had my "superior" digital system – everything synced across devices, accessible anywhere, never at risk of loss (thanks, cloud!). ☁️

But last year, curiosity got the better of me. What's the worst that could happen? Especially when my friend Joy Zhao, Ph.D, PCC offered me a free full focus planner. "Try it first before you buy”.

Let's just say it didn't take long for those five additional quarterly planners to arrive on my doorstep.  Now, that planner goes everywhere with me.

Here's what learned:

1. Open the Window: You never know what you'll like until you try it. Stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to unexpected benefits.

2. Timing is Everything: Just like nature, growth has its seasons. Joy had been suggesting planners to me for years, but last year was my time to embrace the idea.

3. It's Never Too Late: Don't dwell on missed opportunities - I could have easily blamed myself "why didn't I try this earlier?", but I understand, "The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago. The second-best time is now."

Open your window, let the fresh air in.

My leaders are busy

I don’t want to add burden to them.

Having skip-level meetings is uncomfortable. I completely understand the hesitation around scheduling those meetings with higher-ups. Been there, done that! My stomach would turn even before I requested a meeting. One of the reasons that caused me discomfort in the beginning was that the higher-ups were all men. The men figures in my personal life were the decision makers, the ones with a stronger voice, and the ones with the upper hand (both physically and metaphorically).

Not surprisingly, many women in tech that I coach share similar worries:

• Leader overload: I don't want to add burden to their busy schedules!

• Imposter syndrome: I don't have anything important to share.

• Managerial mind games: What if my direct manager gets weird about it?

• The stranger danger effect: I simply don't know these leaders that well. How do I initiate such a meeting?

But, these skip-level meetings are valuable and critical.

• You're not a burden: Leaders are there to support growth, and these meetings offer insights they might not get otherwise. As a leader, it’s important for them to always know of the pulse of the front line and the experience of the people who are in the field. And, if they are executives, they know how to prioritize their time. You don’t have to make a decision for them.

• Your voice matters: You DO have valuable perspectives and ideas to share. Don't underestimate your impact! Think about what you might know that you skip-level leader doesn't know but it's important for them to know.

• Advocacy all around: Not every manager champions their team to the next level, don't assume your skip-level knows about your talent and your great work. These meetings help build relationships that can benefit you in the long run.

For the teams I lead, I actively schedule skip-level meetings with my team members. I also encourage my direct team member to have skip level meetings with my manager. As a leader, I consider that it’s my responsibility to listen to the team members and develop them as leaders.

You're simply requesting a chat and having a meaningful conversation, getting to know each other included. So, what are you waiting for? Don’t skip that skip level meeting.

How do you make someone feel they belong?

I feel seen, heard and a part of the community. Thank you John Glenn Columbus International Airport

It doesn’t cost millions, it requires intention.

#leader How are you making your team feel they belong?

#leadership #womenleadership #belonging

What happened to your plant?

Did it die? My plant was dying.

My daughter gave me this plant as a gift. I have had it for several years and it had been doing awesome.

But recently, something changed, even though the plant was watered regularly as usual, and I gave it a lot of love and attention. Sadly, it was not doing well. The leaves turned brown and fell one by one. I was very sad I might not be able to save it.

Until one day, someone told me through during video conference “I think it needs some sun!” Really?! This wasn’t the type of plant that I expected to be needing sun. I assumed that it can live anywhere, even in the dark. It had done well for the past several years, why needing sun now? But I am willing to give it a try out of desperation.

Then miracle happened. New leaves grew out, leaves grew bigger, the plant is getting taller and healthier, within a short few days.

Here's my real point, leaders and team members alike: what worked in the past doesn't always translate. Your star performer might be feeling stuck, like a wilting plant. Maybe they need a new challenge, a different environment, or just a metaphorical dose of sunshine. ☀️

And team members, don't be afraid to advocate for your own growth! If you're feeling stagnant, figure out what's missing. Don't just settle for surviving, you deserve to flourish! ✨

Sometimes all it takes is a little change to bring something back to life. Whether it's a plant or a career, don't be afraid to adjust the light!

#leadership #growthmindset #careerdevelopment

I am too small

In Chinese families, many parents want their child to be an engineer, a doctor, a lawyer or a business executive. I want my children to choose their own career path. I want them to choose something they love to do.
My daughter became one of the first Asian American women fire fighters in our local fire department after 6 months’ stringent training. She is strong and determined. Her small body size sometimes creates challenges for tasks to be performed. The uniform and equipment alone are about half of her body weight. As a parent, your heart aches when your child struggles, but feel proud at the same time for their resilience.
Recently, Alice was able to take advantage of her small body size to rescue a person who was stuck in a small elevator in between 2 stories of a building. Her disadvantage became an advantage in this emergency.
Let’s celebrate our uniqueness - even if it feels like a disadvantage. Advantage and disadvantage are relative and situational. Let’s embrace each other as who we are.
✅you are not too small, you are just right.
✅you are not too tall, you are just right.
✅you are not too dumb, you are just right.
✅you are not too fat, you are just right.
✅you are not too thin, you are just right.
✅you are not too young, you are just right.
✅you are not too old, you are just right.

What else would you like to add?

Learn from the best

What do a technology executive and a renowned Hollywood voice coach have in common?

The first time I got to know about Denise Woods and her passion on giving people power to their voices was 2021 when I was reading her newly released book “the Power of Voice”. The book gave me a fresh perspective of our unique power in each of our voices. I remembered reading it in a cold winter with a cup of hot tea. Her style is like a cup of lemon honey tea - warm, healing and empowering. I included the book in the LinkedIn post of my 2021 reading list. (link in comments)

Back then, she was still a very remote figure in my life. I was not an actor and working in technology, I had nothing to do with a Hollywood dialect coach - at least that was what I thought at the time.

Fast forward to 2023, due to the WGA strike, Denise started to offer a master class on Voice and Speech with the limited free time she had. I signed up immediately. I believe I was one of the very first signed up if not the first. When opportunities arrive, I never let them slip by me. From then on, I have asked Denise to be my personal voice coach.

She helped me recognize the patterns that I have been ‘incorrectly’ practicing for the past several decades. Even though I am not ashamed of my accent speaking English as a Second Language (anymore), I want to minimize the distraction when people listen to me. I want them to deploy all their energy to my message instead of trying to understand my accent. As a result of our work, I am more acutely aware and confident in my pronunciation and speech.

She is not just a coach on accent acceleration. She is a coach for life. She emphasizes that my story is worth telling. She assures me that I have everything needed to share my message with the world to advance gender equality. She reminds me to tell stories by using both my head and my heart.

She is a sister! We started to call each other sis right away. We talk about work, life, families, the world, values, beliefs and what it truly means as a human being. We promised to march forward arm in arm.

My firm belief is that one of the best approaches to learn anything is to learn from the best. Being coached by Denise is definitely my “learning from the best” experience.

With Denise, I found the power of my voice and the power of my story.

#womenpower #voicecoaching #learnfromthebest

Confidence

What is #confidence ? You can tell whether a person is confident or not when you see their body language, when you hear them talk, and when you notice how well they are listening. People with vast knowledge aren't necessarily confident. As a matter of fact, ~70% C-level executives have #impostersyndrome .

#confidence is a #belief that you can or that you can learn.

I had the honor sharing the stage with my two great friends Huimin Xiong, Ph.D. and Joy Zhao, Ph.D, PCC. We shared the three areas of confidence (TRI) - Technical, Relational, Influential, with the Alliance for Impact Inc. community.
✅ Technical: are you confident that you have the skills to do the work and also learning for the future?
✅ Relational: Do you have the #communication skill and #emotionalintelligence to interact with people and build strong relationships?
✅ Influential: Do you have the ability to influence change?

Having more confidence requires #courage and #commitment.
One needs to have the courage to do the things that are uncomfortable and scary, and the commitment to do those (small) things again and again.

Laugh at yourself

When I was in graduate school back in Beijing China, there was a rule that lights would be turned off at a certain hour during the night so that no one would stay in the labs, classrooms and buildings. The buildings would become completely DARK. Once the lights were off, there was no way to turn them on until a certain time the next morning. Normally people would be smart enough to leave before the lights were extinguished to avoid walking in the dark. Let me remind you, this was before everyone owned a cellphone with a flashlight built in.

One night, I was so focused on my work I forgot to leave before the lights were turned off. Well, I wasn’t the only one. A young professor was also working late. We had to find our way going down multiple flights of stairs by touching the walls and feeling our movement. I, a young graduate student, was wearing a pair of high heels. For those of you who wear high heels, you know how difficult and uncomfortable it is to walk stairs even during perfect lighting. I missed a step! The heel on my right shoe broke off. I had to finish the remaining stairs with only one heel on.

Walking the stairs was not the hardest part. I needed to walk a half mile back to my dorm. The ground was not suitable to walk barefoot. While I was limping through the night, I laughed at myself. I told the professor who was empathetically and helplessly walking with me,
“It would be even if I can break off the heel from the other shoe! 😂“ I tried and failed, and kept walking.
Then I turned to the professor and said,
“Hey, it’s not that bad, I am working on strengthening my calf muscle! 😂”

The professor said something to me that I would never forget. “You are going to go far in life. Not many people can laugh at themselves under such circumstances. Keep doing that…”

When was the last time you dared to laugh at yourself?

#resilience #life