Reflection
I can't do it anymore.
Not even one more step.
I want to stop.
Maybe I can walk instead of running.
No, I don't think I will be able to resume running if I start to walk.
Okay, let's set a goal of not walking.
I won't stop running, even though my leg is so heavy.
Let me listen to my own breath.
2 steps every breath.
Let's keep the rhythm.
But it's too hot.
The sun is too strong.
It's so humid.
It's okay, soon it will be over.
These were the thoughts that ran through my head after completing a 5K, biking for 10 miles, and embarking on a second 5K.
Under the hot sun in Tarpon Springs, Florida.
Every race is a race between our own body and our own mind.
I don't think I can do it.
Yes, I can.
I kept debating until I reached the finish line.
Yes, I can.
I finished the duathlon.
People cheered me on along the way.
All of a sudden, I thought, "That was fun, I can do this again".
Isn't that similar to what we experience when we go through life?
We persist during challenging times, with the support of friends, family, and strangers.
We emerge stronger on the other side with a richer experience.
Thank you Dawn Vishey, MA and Karen Traugh for inviting us to join you.
Thank you Cherie Harrington, CPC for being a supportive stranger turned friend.
Moon Cakes
This past Monday was the Moon Festival, a tradition celebrated for thousands of years in Chinese culture.
A special treat on this day is eating the moon cakes.
I have watched and assisted my mom in making them.
I have watched and assisted my friends in making them.
Because of the intricacy it requires, I made up my mind I would NEVER make them myself.
I would rather read a book or take a walk with that kind of time it takes.
"NEVER say NEVER".
On this Moon Festival, I found myself digging out the recipe I had saved for years.
I dusted the mold I purchased several years ago, and never attempted to use.
I purchased all the ingredients.
Before I knew it, I was making Moon Cakes.
Here is what I learned through this process:
It looks harder than it actually takes. Once you start, it's not that bad. Just START!
You won't know the process fully until you are in the driver's seat. I have assisted many times, and I thought I knew. No, I don't.
Your first try won't be perfect. If it is perfect, you are either lucky or talented or both.
You turn to the expert when it didn't go well. The expert can help you pinpoint why it cracked even though you were following the instructions precisely. Just because you have the knowledge doesn't mean you have the skills.
Once you "failed", you can make adjustments to make it better.
Once you are skilled in the process, you can innovate to make it your own. I adjusted the ratio of the filling to suit my family's preferences.
These are the leadership lessons I pondered while making the moon cakes.
If you want some moon cakes, become my friend.
I didn't turn on my mic
I was co-presenting with - Patrick Donadio, MBA, CSP, MCC on Communicating Your Value: Strategies to Articulate Your Unique Value, Increase Visibility, and Expand Your Professional Network at the NSA Ohio Communication Mastery annual conference.
Patrick started our presentation. To avoid any potential echo, I turned off my mic.
When it was my turn, I was more than ready.
I started strong by asking the big roomful of people, "Who is a brand for"?, except my mic was never turned on.
After 30 seconds or so, my speaker friend, Michael Davis, shouted at the back, "Your mic isn't on!"
Did I feel embarrassed? NOOOO!
I felt grateful that Michael reminded me.
That was the end of the story!
NO, it wasn't.
Later in our presentation, it was my turn to speak about "Amplify Your Brand".
I started with this.
Well, I kind of already demonstrated what it looked like when our voice didn't get amplified.
When I didn't turn on my mic, yes, I have a voice, but it wasn't amplified.
When you are clear about your brand and who you serve, you can communicate your brand with confidence, authenticity, and vulnerability.
But you are still only one person and one voice.
Who can be your brand ambassadors?
Who can be your mic?
Leadership lessons:
Leaders don't sweat the small things.
Leaders focus on the big picture.
Leaders show gratitude.
Leaders don't waste a failure moment.
Leaders use humor strategically (if you can laugh at yourself, you are more approachable).
Who are your mic?
What's the last time you turned a "disastrous" moment into a leadership moment?
Thank you Nan Li, MBA for a great picture.
Nobody can get promoted without a sponsor
Sponsors change your career.
They help you get ahead.
They help you earn more money (~11% more).
Who are your sponsors?
How many sponsors do you have?
What happens if your sponsors leave the team or the company?
Who can be the candidates to become your sponsors?
These are some of the questions I ask people during my speaking/coaching sessions.
The truth is, we have to take care of our own careers.
We have to find our sponsors.
We have to get to know them, but more importantly, have them know us and our characters and competencies.
I have seen so many high-performing professionals waiting passively for others to recognize their abilities, rather than proactively sharing what they do.
According to Carla Harris , there are 3 criteria someone must meet to be your sponsor.
This person has to have the power to influence the decision.
This person has to know you and your work.
This person has to be willing to speak for you, especially when you are not in the room.
Be intentional and strategic about finding those candidates.
Make an introduction and start to build a meaningful relationship.
Make them proud of what you do and excited to speak on your behalf.
If you have a $1,000,000,000
Or if you have everything you need, what would you do?
When I ask my coaching clients this question, often the answer is:
"I don't have everything yet."
me: "Imagine you already do. What would you do?"
"I have never thought about it."
Ask this question to people around you, you might be able to find out what they are truly passionate about.
What’s your answer?
There is no shame or guilt if your answer is to buy a personal jet and live a good life yourself.
That's what makes the world go around.
We are all unique.
We may have different aspirations, and it’s totally normal.
I encourage you to answer this question, because that might be the direction you are going.
Your answer can change over time, and that's ok.
As you gain clarity on the answer, you find the meaning of your life.
You can then align the mundane to your meaning of life, and you will live a joyful life.
My answer is to help girls and women worldwide through philanthropy, especially those who are underprivileged.
What is your answer? Please share with us.
Raise your hands
Raise your hands even when you don't have all the skills.
Raise your hands even when you are scared.
Raise your hands even when you don’t know what lies ahead.
At #WE25 hosted by Society of Women Engineers, I asked for a volunteer to run the mic for me.
What they didn’t know was that I would offer a coaching session as a thank-you gift.
I could do this because I am a ICF PCC executive coach and a former tech executive.
This is not about money. This is about changing a life.
So far, I have been able to support my clients in making mindset shifts in every single session.
Take that chance.
Raise your hands.
What will you raise your hands for this week?
What kind of KAR do you drive?
That's not a typo for "car." It stands for Knowledge, Action, Result.
Throughout our lives, we learn new knowledge.
We sometimes feel FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) when we're not informed about something.
We sometimes feel incompetent when others know more than we do.
The truth is that you probably know something that others don't know, and vice versa.
Accumulating knowledge is the way to live.
But knowing something is only the first step.
Until you take Actions, nothing is going to change.
Actions are what make the knowledge practical and applicable.
Actions are what lead to the invention of new products and services.
Knowledge guides your actions. Actions generate your Results.
Don't let your knowledge sit still.
Put it to work.
Drive your KAR.
What action will you take this week?
Explain to me like a 85-year old
Ever tried to explain a technical concept to an elderly person who isn't tech-savvy?
A few weeks ago, my mom complained that her phone was way too slow.
I found 30+ applications running in the background.
Mom asked, "Why is it so slow?"
I couldn't explain technical terms like CPUs and memory, and I couldn't get into the details of background processes.
I had to think of a different way.
I said: "Mom, look at me!"
Once I had mom's attention on me, I continued,
"I have something in my left hand, something in my right hand, something on my left foot, and something on my right foot. I even have something around my neck.
Now, if you ask me to carry something else, I can't.
Your phone is similar.
It was having too many apps running, and it's like me carrying too many things.
When I close the apps on your phone, it's like I am removing all of those things from my feet, my neck, and my hands.
Now I can carry whatever you want to take.
Similarly, your phone can now do what you want it to do."
Mom said, "I see! That makes perfect sense!"
As leaders, our job isn't to show how much we know and how many technical jargon terms we can leverage, but to communicate with empathy and clarity.
Great leadership is about making the complex feel simple.
Outstanding leadership is about communicating in a "language" the other person can understand.
It’s YOUR Time
The airline informed you that your flight is delayed and you will miss your connecting international flight.
You are mad, upset, and frustrated.
You curse the government for being shut down.
You curse the politicians.
Mount Fuji
Or
You can accept the reality.
Reschedule your booked taxi pickup on the other side of the world,
Cancel your hotel overseas,
Change your itinerary to stay in one city instead of two due to the shortened trip.
Book a new hotel.
Cancel the high-speed train pass.
The result? You enjoyed a newly updated vacation.
It is YOUR time.
You can use it to be mad and sad,
Or you can use it to be joyful and productive.
It is YOUR choice.
The time is yours.
Time is the only commodity we each have.
Use it wisely.
The government isn't responsible for your happiness.
The airline isn't going to pay you back for your time.
The above scenario is a true story during our recent trip to Japan.
What's your story of how you used your time wisely in the time of unplanned disruption?
You want more power?
7 Rules of Power
First, get out of your own way.
Many people have a negative perception of having power.
Power by itself is neutral.
It depends on how we use it.
When power is used for the betterment of society, we need more people with more power.
We often struggle with imposter syndrome or an inner critic.
🟠 Afraid to speak up during a meeting, ask yourself why.
🟠 Not comfortable sharing your achievements, ask yourself why.
🟠 Not asking for a promotion, ask yourself why.
Many of us fall into the trap of Authenticity.
🟠 We believe that Authenticity is in conflict with being powerful. You can have both simultaneously.
🟠 "Be true to what others want you to be" may be more important than "to be true to yourself" (You may have to think about this one...Leaders adapt their styles depending on who they are working with instead of sticking to their own rigid styles)
Many of us are overly concerned about whether others like us.
But likeability is a double-edged sword.
🟠 Being liked is a source of power.
🟠 If you are pursuing it too much, you can be seen as less competent.
Acknowledge and accept who you are but not let that identity to define who you will be forever.
Thank you Dave Lu for recommending the book "7 Rules of Power" by Dr. Jeffrey Pfeffer.
In my coaching for Women In Tech, I often work with them to get out of their own way to elevate their power.